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Kansas, United States
This started out as a blog about our domestic adoption. So all of the older posts are about that journey. It was an interesting one, and it led us to our son, Jacob. My dream since I was a little girl was typical of most little girls. I wanted to get married, and have children and be a stay at home Mom. Although, not a very popular choice for a profession now a day, I find it very rewarding. As a matter of fact, every day is an adventure! I've been told personally that the stay at home Mom profession isn't 'work', but spend a day with me and you'll see just how much 'work' it is!!! It's blessed work!

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Birth Mothers-a new perspective

So, all you hear about in regards to Birth Mothers is usually horror stories, how they changed their minds in the 11th hour. But reading over the Adoption guide from American Adoptions really changed my perspective. Did you know sometimes the only support system the Birth Mother has IS YOU?!?! Can you imagine? The only support you have is someone who is waiting for you to give birth so that they can have your child. I don't mean that in an evil way, either, I just saying...most people are distrusting of people anyway. How horrible to think that is the only support system they have! How sad and lonely some of them must feel! My hubby wrote a song about adoption and it makes me cry every time I hear it. When he talks about the Mother leaving her baby at an orphanage and wanting so badly to stay, but can't. So she kisses her baby one last time and says goodbye, because she knows she can't take proper care of her. UGH! It's a heart wrencher, trust me! After reading the guide, my heart has changed toward birth Mothers. It said 99% of them just want to know that they did the right thing and that their baby is going to have/having the best life possible....who doesn't seek validation like that. Most of them just don't want their child to hate them for the decision that was made. UGH! This is good stuff! When I find the guide again, I'll quote a few things out of there, so you, too, can experience it. John and I talked before, when we got our hopes up time and time again about a birth mother, only to have it 'disrupted', "I feel like a monster expecting some poor girl to give up part of her own self to me!" This whole process from infertility to adoption is so grueling! At times I hate myself...sometimes I hate others. People, who only have good intentions, hurt you so deeply and yet you know they wouldn't do it purposely...they just don't realize. Then when you allow yourself to get your hopes up only to have that hope dashed. It's emotional roller coaster. You start to wonder if you are 'normal' at all. Then you read the stories of these birth mom's. The sacrifice they have to make...it rips your heart out! AA requires you to have a semi-open adoption...which defined by them is a letter/picture twice a year. Usually once on the child's birthday and then 6 monthes later. Also, I know with the Chinese adoptions you usually give gifts to the caregivers and I've heard that you also do that with domestic adoptions. Those of you, who know me at all, know how I love to papercraft things. I'm thinking of neat little gifts to give the birth mother at the hospital. I mean, what could you possibly give to someone who has given you the world?

Wade, the adoption coordinator said that sometimes, after the conference call and the initial meeting of the birth mother, that the adoptive parents and birth mothers become pretty close and stay in touch more than required of them. All the birth mother is allowed to know is your first names and the state you live in. All correspondence is done thru the agency, unless you and the birth mother decide otherwise. As I said above, most of them just need the validation that they did the right thing by their baby and that the baby will be taught that the mother was making the best decision by the child.

1 comment:

  1. Wanting a baby doesn't make you a monster. In fact I'm sure it is comforting to a lot of birth mothers to know that giving their baby up is the one right decision they have made. And your child is your child. God means that child for you regardless of what v....ery impressive line of genetics it comes from. I love you! Your sister!