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Kansas, United States
This started out as a blog about our domestic adoption. So all of the older posts are about that journey. It was an interesting one, and it led us to our son, Jacob. My dream since I was a little girl was typical of most little girls. I wanted to get married, and have children and be a stay at home Mom. Although, not a very popular choice for a profession now a day, I find it very rewarding. As a matter of fact, every day is an adventure! I've been told personally that the stay at home Mom profession isn't 'work', but spend a day with me and you'll see just how much 'work' it is!!! It's blessed work!

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Miscellaneous Ramblings

So we have our social worker, Alli who is supposed to be coming to do our homestudy on February 22nd. That is a little over a week away! We are working on the house like crazy!
We finally got all the health assessments completed and the fingerprinting done. I think all we have left is to get the cat vaccinated and then fill out a few forms in front of and with Alli. A big suprise to us is that the homestudy involves ONE visit to your home. I was really doing a happy dance over that. I'm already nervous about the whole 'coming to the house' thing. We live in a home improvement project. I worry that a wall not finished or base boards not installed is going to fail us. I know that we will need something to work on during the time we are waiting to be matched and the rest of the time during the pregnancy, but I still worry. This agency prides themselves in being really friendly, and easy going. What we have seen so far, this is true. So we will just do the best we can with the house and if she has to come back after we fix something on the house...it's fine. At least the homestudy will be completed and not need to updated for a year.
I am trying to remember that they are not trying to eliminate us, that they are working with us and can teach us about the environment that is best for a child. We are at the point that we will do just about anything a social worker tells us in order to get a child. We got the cleaning supplies on top shelves, along with medicine and child safety locks for all the lower cabinets. We are close to being ready!

The agency said that most of their birth mothers make their adoption plans the last trimester of their pregnancy. So usually the wait times are pretty short. Once your homestudy is complete, and you sign with the agency. They publish a profile for you and you could get matched in days. Sometimes it will take a full 7-8 monthes, but right now it's averaging around 5 monthes. We will be getting a newborn, right from the hospital. That's just what I always wanted! =) The agency is nationwide, so we are not tied to a state or a few states. This has advantages and disadvantages. The advantages are that your profile is shown to a lot of people all over the country giving you a better chance of a quick match. A disadvantage is that wherever that birth mother is...you have to go. You are required to do a conference call with your birth mother once, and go visit her once while she is pregnant. Then when she goes in labor you are supposed to go to the hospital where she is at. If this is a far away state, then you fly out. When the baby is born, you meet with the birth mother again. Then when the papers are signed, and the baby is able to be released from the hospital, if you are out of state, you have to stay in that state until that's state government and your state government approves the transfer. If you are out of state, this process could take 2 days to 2 weeks, which means added motel and food bills. This could definitely be a disadvantage in the financial dept. We are hoping that we get a Kansas adoption or at least in a state where we have family or good friends who won't mind us crashing at their house! =) We will see!

Of course, there are variables in the adoption game that can increase or decrease the cost of the adoption. One being what I was talking about above. Others are living expenses for the birth mom, lawyer fees and medical fees. So in a perfect situation, you may get a lady who is already in the hospital having a baby and wants to give the baby up for adoption. In that case, you don't have living expenses. If the birth mother is in your state, you don't have traveling expenses. But you also don't have any records of any of her Dr. visits or any of the other things that the agency gathers. OR you can get a birth mom in her six month who needs living expenses, medical expenses, and you get a complete record of everything the agency requires of the birth moms. You never know what you are going to get, until the match is made. Once again, advantages and disadvantages.

The thing we LOVE the most about this agency, though, and the thing that separates them from doing a private adoption or going with another agency is this: if at any time the birth Mother decides to keep the baby, the agency will put what money you have already put into the adoption and apply it to another attempt or refund your money. It's called an adoption "disruption". I saw on several different reputable adoption agencies websites (usually in very small print at the end of the expenses statement) that "any adoption that is disrupted by a birth mother at any time, the money spent on that adoption is perceived to be a gift and cannot be legal sought after". SO you can spend a crazy amount of money on an adoption and when the birth Mother decides to parent the child instead of giving them up for adoption you are just out that money. This has caused a lot of people a LOT of grief. The thought of it just makes me sick. It would be devastating not only emotionally but to financially.

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